I want to make a zoo with you.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
