He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
We have started to decorate penises.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
