The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
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