I just pynch a tree in the face
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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