____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
