the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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