is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
