we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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