Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
