Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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