the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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