I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
