I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
