And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
