I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
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