I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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