im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
So much rum. So many feels.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
