I'm so fucking centered right now
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
