she woke up with a sticky ear
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Randomize
