Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
