My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
