just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
