shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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