just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
pray to the hookup gods
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
