I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
