theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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