I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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