just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Banned from zoo.
Again?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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