Kareoke will never be a sober sport
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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