But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
