I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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