I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Randomize
