do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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