What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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