Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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