His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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