I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
