I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Randomize
