I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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