I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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