would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
