Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
