If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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