you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
