based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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