I wish I could teleport
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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