Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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