There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I love you. Go after that dick
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
