ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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