Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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