Church boner. Awkwardddd
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
