He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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