I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
